I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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