I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
