The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
