every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
