His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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