I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
soo... how was my night?
Randomize