do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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