I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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