hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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