The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
