i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
