There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
