Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
