Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
