It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
