Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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