Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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