never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
