Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
