I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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