so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
