so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
