I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
