I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The adults are the big ones right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
