I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I would fuck him just for his dog
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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