Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
