You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
