I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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