WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
