so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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