Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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