So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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