so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Boobs speak an international language.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize