I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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