went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
