you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize