i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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