So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he fucked my hip out of place.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
