I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
