The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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