I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
