god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
