Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
