Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
