I am puke
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
