we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
