census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
