Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize