I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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