return my video game
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
