Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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