I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
