I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
