Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
