why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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