Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
