so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize