'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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