Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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