when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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