Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
