just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
