If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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