I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
