shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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