dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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