He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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