we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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