He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This baby is an asshole
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
