his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your cock deserves a montage
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
