Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
