Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i drank out of a bidet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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