You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
