Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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