Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
