She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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