Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
