u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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