If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
