And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
